Month: May 2021

 

 

Lots of people hate driving but I don’t. I find it great for my meditative meanderings. And the cruelty of kindness was a thought stirring in my brain.

I had been toying with the idea of kindness. And is there such a thing as the cruelty of kindness for Christians?

Yes, that truly hit me – why not write a post on how kindness can be cruel, how it can even kill.

A vehicular meditation with a twist, huh?

In other words, well-meaning, or well-intentioned people can actually harm others with misplaced kindness, including Christians.

Similarly, scripture has something to say about this. Misplaced compassion can not only undermine someone or be cruel. It can be downright spiritually harmful.

 

 

Misunderstanding kindness and God disciplines

 

So what about acts of kindness – those perceived to be so – which can harm? And I’m not talking about someone who pretends to be kind while having ulterior motives.

I’m talking about well-meaning people, even our loved ones.

Take the overweight person who is continually offered unhealthy and weight-gaining food. There’s also the well-intentioned kindness of seconds at mealtimes, too. Even though they might protest, the well-intentioned feeder usually wins out.

And becoming fat doesn’t stop there. There’s a host of health issues that help them die prematurely: heart disease, a stroke, cancer to name but the obvious.

But before that happens they develop other unpleasant health problems like aching joints.

And what about the morbidly obese person who can’t leave their own home. Who do you think keeps feeding them the unhealthy food which helps them remain trapped in a body of fat? And they continue to do so as the person grows larger and unhealthier each day?

Do you see the dilemma?

When being kind, Christians are meant to treat others as God would. But would God enable somebody to harm their physical, mental, or spiritual health?

And doesn’t He also challenge and correct us when He knows it’s for our good? Doesn’t he discipline us so that we can share and grow in his holiness?

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline… but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Heb 12:7-11).

No cruelty of kindness here!

 

 

The power of God’s kindness- dynamic grace

 

So kindness is more than fuzzy feelings or mere sentimentality.

We show true kindness when we help others refrain from actions that are sinful or harmful by admonishing them with compassion.

The flip side is – we’re being cruel to be kind when we correct others’ behavior.

Now, back to the previous example of the person enabled to eat themselves into obesity.

That behavior leads to a slow downward spiral of misery. And it ends where? The grave, that’s where.

Did their loved ones slowly murder them  –  intent on killing them? Of course not, but they enabled and helped their loved one meet an early death. This is an extreme example, granted, but it illustrates the point.

And it clearly demonstrates their kindness as passivity and ineffectual.

However, the truth of God’s kindness is something powerful and active.

For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared… (Titus 3:3-4).

Consider what is being said here. Disobedience and following others in this is futile, as is wanting to covet what they have.

But what has this to do with kindness?

Look at what is said next: But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared. Bam! The evils of disobedience are pummeled and overcome by Christ’s redeeming death and resurrection.

That’s the power of God!

And it’s stronger than death.

Let’s practice kindness with this in mind. The Christian carries power with their words and actions, whether offering a comforting word or admonishing another. Because when done with Christian compassion, the grace and power of God is free to act.

 

 

Is there a balance between kindness and cruelty?

 

There are also other ways to kill with kindness. I once behaved badly, hurt a dear friend of mine. The fault was entirely mine. No matter how much I tried to make it up to him afterward, I knew our friendship would never be the same.

While I was stewing over what happened, who do you think supported me in my lies?

You got it: most of my friends. They sympathized saying I was right to feel that way. And a few also took me out for some drinks to help cheer me up.

There were only two brutally honest friends. They were the ones who helped me see the wrong I had done and the hurt I’d caused. Thankfully, it gave me the psycho-emotional shake I needed to reflect on my sinful behavior.

Shortly afterward, I repented, went to my friend, cap in hand, and asked for his forgiveness. I cried a great deal before I went to see him, while I was with him and several times afterward. I was so shocked and sorry for what I’d done, now that reality had hit home.

If it hadn’t been for those two friends, I would have remained in my lies. I would have had the excuses and self-justification to nurse the pseudo-harm inside. Bitterness could have gnawed away at my soul. And we all know bitterness doesn’t remain unbiased. It has a way of creeping into all our thinking and all our relationships.

In time, it erodes happiness and destroys peace of mind.

Though my other friends meant well, it was their misplaced kindness that contributed to my anger, sinfulness and unbridled ego. They didn’t like to see me hurting, so they tried to help and comfort me, though in an unhealthy way.

 

 

Truthful kindness – it’ll set you free!

 

The real kindness, however, helped me confront my wrongdoing. I saw the truth of the matter and, as St. John says:

the truth will set you free (Jn 8:32).

It humbled me, seared my ego, but as a result, I now try to reflect before I speak. I also explore a person’s actions and motives instead of assuming the worst about them.

Likewise, kindness is not some fuzzy-wuzzy quality we should use for a feel-good factor. Integrity and truth should rule our use of kindness whilst rooting it in compassion. Our emotions must not govern it like the lapping of the sea, the ebb and flow of the tides.

After all, our emotions come and go, are not fixed, not solid. But truth, integrity, and compassion are, and they are long-lasting. So, is it not better to tell each other the truth? We can still do that in a kind and compassionate way, can’t we?

 

The cruelty of kindness – a conclusion

 

As Christians, we like to believe we are kind and compassionate. But we can get confused when it comes to understanding and showing it appropriately. That’s why it’s important to know when well-intentioned kindness is more to do with sentimentality so we can avoid it.

We don’t want to cause others harm in this way.

Knowing truth’s power can be kind, helpful, and liberating in the telling encourages us to admonish others with love if it is needed.

Being honest and compassionate in telling someone the truth can be of great benefit to them. Even if it’s uncomfortable to do so.

Whatever we do, we mustn’t allow misplaced kindness to rear its ugly head.  We mustn’t allow our emotions to run the show. Though this can be challenging, sometimes the best form of kindness is to the truth.

And all that from a vehicular meditation!

 

 

Bible Verses about kindness

(no cruelty of kindness here!)

 

Below are several Bible verses for you to meditate on concerning true kindness, love and compassion:

 

 

Everyone question’s their existence and reason for being here. We all need to find and live our life’s purpose if getting up every morning means anything.

Our life’s purpose concerns our career, family life, and place in society. It can be different for everyone, though, and can encompass several of these factors. It can also change during life’s journey.

We do not stay static as human beings. Life molds and changes us, and hopefully for the better.

But living at that level alone will at some point leave us wondering what it’s all about.

Our lives and the meaning and purpose of living has to be rooted in Jesus Christ. Without Him, our existence pertains merely to this world and closes us off to eternity.

 

 

How do I know my purpose in Christ?

 

People tend to come to a fork in the road of life before they reflect on their life’s purpose. Perhaps some trauma or sickness helps raise the necessary and associated questions, too.

In any event, we all come to ask:

• What is life all about?

• How do I find meaning in my life?

• What should I do with my life?

• How can I find self-fulfillment?

Though normal, asking these kinds of questions also concerns a sense of belonging. We all want to fit in while seeking true and lasting meaning in our lives. Also, we want a tribe to belong to, a place where we are safe and can grow.

But our sense of belonging is found in Christ Jesus. He is both true God and true man. Didn’t he say:

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (Jn 15:5)?

When we live a life separate from Him, trouble is sure to follow. That includes questioning our existence and whether we fit in or not.

And, as an aside – if we’re true followers of Christ, we’re not going to fit into the world. He didn’t, so neither are we.

If we’re asking the questions laid out above, perhaps we need to re-evaluate our relationship with the good Lord.

 

 

How do I fully give my life to Christ?

 

Asking if what we do in life is important or not could miss the mark and affect our mental health. And centering on what we should or should not be doing can confuse and depress us.

This is also a task-orientated approach which means it’s all too easy to perceive one’s life purpose through that lens.

It’s healthier firstly to be in a good relationship with who we are as individuals. And it is better to have this relationship in the here and now. Let’s not dwell on the past or worry about the future. This only distracts and worries us.

But we have to remember, we cannot be in a good relationship with ourselves as self-sufficient beings. We are called to be in a right relationship with God first, love Him first. The grace of God can only flow freely in and through us if this is our approach – putting God at the center.

It follows that we discover our identity in Him and become able to fully give ourselves to Him with the help of His grace won for us by Christ Jesus.

Grace accepted and acted upon when living our lives in Christ helps us find a deeper and lasting meaning.  It’s only through Him that we can be at peace with ourselves as individuals and with others.

This is by far more important than what we do for a living or how we relate to others. And these only have real meaning when we operate from a healthy self-relationship flowing from our life in Christ.

And since Christ Jesus is alive, so will we be too. As He said:

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (Jn 10:10).

 

 

Finding your purpose in God and service of others

 

It follows that the meaning and purpose we find in answering the following questions are what’s better for our spiritual and wellbeing and identity:

• How do I relate to myself in the light of Christ?

• Do I love myself as Christ would have me love myself?

• What gifts do I have to use in the service of God and His people?

• What passions in life do I have that I can use to help others?

In this way, we discover true meaning comes from our self-relationship that is rooted in God. We also discover that it has to move outward from ourselves into the world. In other words, we’re to find meaning in our spiritual lives by being of service to God and His people.

Likewise, what interests and helps us grow as human beings can be used to help and serve others.

Research shows that when we consistently help others our own mental and physical wellbeing improves. And so, our purpose is connected to meaningful and satisfying work and relationships.

That means we can’t discover and live out our purpose in isolation.

And again, that’s okay at a human level, but for it to have spiritual and eternal value, God has to be at the center of it all.

 

 

Discovering your God-given purpose – putting Him at the center

 

Concentrating on a self-relationship when considering our life’s vocation or who we are as human beings are very limiting, to say the least. And they will lead to self-destructive decisions and life patterns if God is excluded.

Why?

Because we are placing ourselves at the center of life and not God from whom we come and to whom we will hopefully return.

And as scripture says:

For in him we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28).

Also, let’s not place too much value on what we do or how much money we earn. That isn’t helpful either. We’ll be left unsatisfied and focussing on the likes of wanting more money, and more material belongings.

In other words, a self-relationship and an unhealthy one at that results in being unrealistic, egotistical, and self-seeking.

And we’re more liable to allow our sinful, wounded or immature self to run the show.

It’s not a good idea to let this happen. We don’t want this blinding us to our true life’s purpose of service – whether it is part of our career or helping out a neighbor or friend.

And of course, our service is to have God at the center. It only has meaning, depth, and is carried into eternal life if our love and service starts and ends with God.

Also, service has to be rooted in God’s will. Divorcing our will from His distorts and weakens our motives and reasons for serving others.

We will literally look for what we can get out of it instead of trying to benefit our neighbor.

 

 

God has a purpose for everything – including everyday living

 

The essence of our life’s purpose united to God concerns what we do and how we behave, that is, living a daily routine.

No matter if it’s brushing our teeth, making the bed, preparing and eating meals – we can do this with purpose. It helps us realize our self-worth and respect our human dignity as a child of God.

We can use such actions to foster an attitude of gratitude towards God. And when tasks are difficult, we can make of them a sacrifice, offering them to God for the good of others. That could include the Holy Souls in Purgatory, those dying, priests and religious, a family member, and on and on.

Such attitudes and actions help us relate well to ourselves and become divinized. And they’re related to how we can contribute to society.

If we relate well to ourselves through a fruitful response to grace, we’ll relate well to others. And so, as social beings, we can recognize our gifts and contribute to the world.

Additionally, it’s the simple things that are often the most meaningful:

• Helping out friends
• Having a smile ready for a passing stranger
• Calling in on an elderly neighbor or relative
• Taking the dog for a walk

These kinds of activities further our sense of purpose every day while living as Christ would have us.

 

 

Wrapping it up

 

We all wonder about the meaning of life and what our life’s purpose is. But it’s unhealthy for us to be selfish, chasing money or wanting only what we want from our job or relationships.

We can only find happiness in relating healthily to ourselves by having God at the center of our lives. This is the springboard from which we meaningfully contribute to society and are of service.

Service is how we move away from sin, selfishness, and ego towards a life of self-giving which divinizes us and makes us fit for Heaven.

It also brings us happiness that is long-lasting since it started with relating to ourselves aright in Christ. And it leaves us free to relate to our family, friends, and colleagues aright since we find purpose and meaning in serving them.

 

 

Bible verses about living life with purpose

 

Here are five Bible verses for you to meditate on concerning living life’s purpose

Genesis 1.1 – In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

Ecclesiastes 6.12 – For who knows what is good for a person in life, during the few and meaningless days they pass through like a shadow? Who can tell them what will happen under the sun after they are gone?

John 10.10 – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 14.7 –  Jesus answered “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”

Matthew 6.33 – But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.