Lots of people hate driving but I don’t. I find it great for my meditative meanderings. And the cruelty of kindness was a thought stirring in my brain.
I had been toying with the idea of kindness. And is there such a thing as the cruelty of kindness for Christians?
Yes, that truly hit me – why not write a post on how kindness can be cruel, how it can even kill.
A vehicular meditation with a twist, huh?
In other words, well-meaning, or well-intentioned people can actually harm others with misplaced kindness, including Christians.
Similarly, scripture has something to say about this. Misplaced compassion can not only undermine someone or be cruel. It can be downright spiritually harmful.
Misunderstanding kindness and God disciplines
So what about acts of kindness – those perceived to be so – which can harm? And I’m not talking about someone who pretends to be kind while having ulterior motives.
I’m talking about well-meaning people, even our loved ones.
Take the overweight person who is continually offered unhealthy and weight-gaining food. There’s also the well-intentioned kindness of seconds at mealtimes, too. Even though they might protest, the well-intentioned feeder usually wins out.
And becoming fat doesn’t stop there. There’s a host of health issues that help them die prematurely: heart disease, a stroke, cancer to name but the obvious.
But before that happens they develop other unpleasant health problems like aching joints.
And what about the morbidly obese person who can’t leave their own home. Who do you think keeps feeding them the unhealthy food which helps them remain trapped in a body of fat? And they continue to do so as the person grows larger and unhealthier each day?
Do you see the dilemma?
When being kind, Christians are meant to treat others as God would. But would God enable somebody to harm their physical, mental, or spiritual health?
And doesn’t He also challenge and correct us when He knows it’s for our good? Doesn’t he discipline us so that we can share and grow in his holiness?
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline… but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Heb 12:7-11).
No cruelty of kindness here!
The power of God’s kindness- dynamic grace
So kindness is more than fuzzy feelings or mere sentimentality.
We show true kindness when we help others refrain from actions that are sinful or harmful by admonishing them with compassion.
The flip side is – we’re being cruel to be kind when we correct others’ behavior.
Now, back to the previous example of the person enabled to eat themselves into obesity.
That behavior leads to a slow downward spiral of misery. And it ends where? The grave, that’s where.
Did their loved ones slowly murder them – intent on killing them? Of course not, but they enabled and helped their loved one meet an early death. This is an extreme example, granted, but it illustrates the point.
And it clearly demonstrates their kindness as passivity and ineffectual.
However, the truth of God’s kindness is something powerful and active.
For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared… (Titus 3:3-4).
Consider what is being said here. Disobedience and following others in this is futile, as is wanting to covet what they have.
But what has this to do with kindness?
Look at what is said next: But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared. Bam! The evils of disobedience are pummeled and overcome by Christ’s redeeming death and resurrection.
That’s the power of God!
And it’s stronger than death.
Let’s practice kindness with this in mind. The Christian carries power with their words and actions, whether offering a comforting word or admonishing another. Because when done with Christian compassion, the grace and power of God is free to act.
Is there a balance between kindness and cruelty?
There are also other ways to kill with kindness. I once behaved badly, hurt a dear friend of mine. The fault was entirely mine. No matter how much I tried to make it up to him afterward, I knew our friendship would never be the same.
While I was stewing over what happened, who do you think supported me in my lies?
You got it: most of my friends. They sympathized saying I was right to feel that way. And a few also took me out for some drinks to help cheer me up.
There were only two brutally honest friends. They were the ones who helped me see the wrong I had done and the hurt I’d caused. Thankfully, it gave me the psycho-emotional shake I needed to reflect on my sinful behavior.
Shortly afterward, I repented, went to my friend, cap in hand, and asked for his forgiveness. I cried a great deal before I went to see him, while I was with him and several times afterward. I was so shocked and sorry for what I’d done, now that reality had hit home.
If it hadn’t been for those two friends, I would have remained in my lies. I would have had the excuses and self-justification to nurse the pseudo-harm inside. Bitterness could have gnawed away at my soul. And we all know bitterness doesn’t remain unbiased. It has a way of creeping into all our thinking and all our relationships.
In time, it erodes happiness and destroys peace of mind.
Though my other friends meant well, it was their misplaced kindness that contributed to my anger, sinfulness and unbridled ego. They didn’t like to see me hurting, so they tried to help and comfort me, though in an unhealthy way.
Truthful kindness – it’ll set you free!
The real kindness, however, helped me confront my wrongdoing. I saw the truth of the matter and, as St. John says:
the truth will set you free (Jn 8:32).
It humbled me, seared my ego, but as a result, I now try to reflect before I speak. I also explore a person’s actions and motives instead of assuming the worst about them.
Likewise, kindness is not some fuzzy-wuzzy quality we should use for a feel-good factor. Integrity and truth should rule our use of kindness whilst rooting it in compassion. Our emotions must not govern it like the lapping of the sea, the ebb and flow of the tides.
After all, our emotions come and go, are not fixed, not solid. But truth, integrity, and compassion are, and they are long-lasting. So, is it not better to tell each other the truth? We can still do that in a kind and compassionate way, can’t we?
The cruelty of kindness – a conclusion
As Christians, we like to believe we are kind and compassionate. But we can get confused when it comes to understanding and showing it appropriately. That’s why it’s important to know when well-intentioned kindness is more to do with sentimentality so we can avoid it.
We don’t want to cause others harm in this way.
Knowing truth’s power can be kind, helpful, and liberating in the telling encourages us to admonish others with love if it is needed.
Being honest and compassionate in telling someone the truth can be of great benefit to them. Even if it’s uncomfortable to do so.
Whatever we do, we mustn’t allow misplaced kindness to rear its ugly head. We mustn’t allow our emotions to run the show. Though this can be challenging, sometimes the best form of kindness is to the truth.
And all that from a vehicular meditation!
Bible Verses about kindness
(no cruelty of kindness here!)
Below are several Bible verses for you to meditate on concerning true kindness, love and compassion:
Andy Marmion
Andy Marmion is a freelance writer. He writes about mental health, self-development and spirituality. He's passionate about educating and empowering people with his writing.
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